is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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