her vagine was all disorganized.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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