Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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