I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Couch. On fire.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
