shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
