R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
