We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
