belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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