Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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