Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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