I wish I could teleport
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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