I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
