So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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