The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
