There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
