Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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