just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
