Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
