Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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