Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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