I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
