I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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