If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
