I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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