Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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