I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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