i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
