We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
