you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
