I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
