Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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