I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
