I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
