He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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