Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
