I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
