We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
