You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
