She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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