I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
