just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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