Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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