Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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