I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Help. Why am I so naked?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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