whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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