I think scott just propositioned me for sex
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
love makes seman taste better
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
