WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
