So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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