oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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