It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
