We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
