Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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